We all have friends ( I hope ), but do we all have best friends? If you don’t, do you think it’s necessary to have one? Is it possible to become your own best friend?
Welcome to my unofficial TED talk about friendship! I’m no professional, but I do speak based on my life experiences.
The topic of friendship is one that traverses many segments of our lives. From people we’ve known since childhood, cousins, and past lovers, basically anyone can become your best friend. A lot of people feel it necessary to have someone that you can call your bestie. Someone you exclusively tell all your little secrets to that you wouldn’t tell anyone else. In life, I’ve had best friends, but it usually ended up drifting apart due to them finding newer better friends, or simply moving away and losing touch. As one gets older in life, it becomes a little harder making friends, which makes it even harder to maintain a best friend. Honestly, I don’t feel any dent in my soul about not having a best friend either.
I have many friends from all walks of life. Some I may speak to on regular basis. Some I may speak to every quarter, and then there are those social media ones in the peanut gallery over there.
When I realized that I had no best friend, I began to assess myself. I realized for one, that I’m an open ambivert. So I thought to myself that I could go out and make new friends. Easier said than done. I failed miserably at maintaining these friendships, and realized even more about myself and bestie culture because of it.
Most of the friends that I currently have, I have known since childhood. They themselves have best friends that they’ve known since before knowing me. Through them, I noticed the best friend relationship as something similar to that of a marriage. You’re probably asking how I’m coming up with this generalization. Because that’s what it sounded like. Whenever my friends would get into it with their bestie, who do you think they called vent about it? They vented like they were talking about a boyfriend or husband. I have one friend who completely cut off her best friend, and I swear it was like she got a divorce. The gloom in her eyes was real! She couldn’t get over what her friend had done to her. Which brings me to my next realization.
I began to wonder about bestie life because the betrayal is real. I won’t go in to detail, but the breakdown goes something like this.
- Jealousy
- Tek people man dem
- New man who ‘dis?
- I’ll pay you back never
- Etc.
I realized my emergency contact is always my Mom. Some people may laugh at this, but I’ve actually met some people who do this, and they have besties. *Questionable Intense STARE*
The older I got, the more I realized that I was enough. I was enough to become my own best friend. I may have never had any of the bestie woes mentioned above, and I’m grateful for it. Sure, it would be nice to always have that one person to rely on. But in talking to many with best friends, you grasp onto the fact that the one and only person you can rely on to always have your back is yourself.
The relationship you have with yourself is more valuable than any external relationship you may have with others. My relationship with myself has taught me how to carry and value my relationships with others. Think about it, if you don’t know you better than you, how can you expect someone else to? Many people hide behind this facade. Almost like a photo filter in efforts to be accepted. All the while feeling deep abysmal emptiness that can never be filled. This stems from a lack of belief in one’s self, and unfortunately, this story is very common.
I recognized that the relationship I carry with myself is permanent. It will always be with me everywhere I go. Know that you will always have to deal with you. Getting to know yourself fills you with confidence, knowledge, acceptance, willingness, and everything in between. Cherish the relationship you have with yourself. Doing that, will help you to cherish the relationships you hold with others.
If you make friends with yourself, you’ll never be alone.
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